Kuja's Adventures in Happy Land
by lady kuja
Summary: A fic written by 3 people in a computer class. Enjoy^_^


_Hey people, I have to tell you that this fic was written by three people while we were in an increadibly boring computer class(plus I think we were on something) but I hope you enjoy our fic anyways^_^_   
  
**

## 

Kuja's happy day in Paradise

**

Kuja entered his place of work and says hi to the scantily clad waitress in the corner. He pulls off his shirt and rubs on some Vaseline.

"Okay! I'm ready to go!" He proclaims

Torben the random happy mage says he has to go and call his brother, brb.

"Kuja, it's nine in the morning, no one's going to be coming now" The waitress points out.

"That's what you think" Kuja warns.

He whips out his tail and the waitress screams.

"Ahh! You perv! Put it away! I don't want to see that, it's bad enough having you strip here."Torben, the happy random mage comes back and helps the others restock the condoms in the bathroom.

"You know you're going to need those later!" Kuja winks at Torben.

"Sure Kuja! That's what you think. I am a random mage, I am incapable of having sex." Torben points out.

"Hey Torben! What's up?" Lady Kuja says as she walks in.

She also takes off her shirt and rubs on some Vaseline. Kuja winks and gives her a hell yes. Evodie-cikoe walks in after her.

"Hey, E-C, what are you doing here?" Torben asked.

I'm here to make sure kuja doesn't rape you. You can call me sort of a body guard." She replied.

"Okay, let's get this show on the road!" Kuja yells as he jumps on stage.

He starts to dance to non-existent disco music.

"Hold up, Kuja!" Lady Kuja said, "You have no audience, we should go find you one."

"Let's go to Mexico! They have lots of desperate men who want to see strip shows." Torben, the happy random mage said.

What is 'Mexico'?"Kuja asked.

"Never mind!" Torben said, going back to fill the condom machine.

"How bout we go to Treno?" E-C asked.

"Hell yes!" Kuja ran out the door.

"Hey Kuja!" Torben the happy random mage yelled after him, "You forgot your clothes"

"EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!" A woman outside screams.

"Shoot." Torben said, throwing the clothes to the floor and ran after him. E-C and Lady Kuja hurried after him.

They entered Treno as a party.

"Who's ready to par-tay?!?" Kuja yells at the top by the fountain.

"Put some freakin clothes on!" Someone yells from below.

A rotten apple somehow flies up and hits Kuja square on the forehead. 

"Let's go get some sushi," Lady Kuja said.

"ok" everybody says as one.

[in the Japanese restaurant]

Everyone is gawking at the 500 piece spread of sushi, except for Lady Kuja who is staring at Kuja's luscious naked body.  
Kuja lifts up a piece of sushi and looks at the pile of green goop on the side of the plate. 

"Ooo" He said, putting the whole pile on his sushi, "Guacamole!"

He shoves the whole thing into his mouth. All of a sudden his face turns bright red. He stands up and starts to gag

"Oh, shoot." Torben, the happy random mage said, snapping his fingers.

"Ahhh, keep you sarcasm to yourself!" Lady Kuja demanded.

"Why? It's so cool" He replied. 

E-C starts to thump Kuja on the back. He continues to choke, so E-C slaps him harder. All of a sudden she slaps him so hard that he rolls over the table-top, knocking all the food to the floor. 

"Aw, you guys suck." Torben the happy random mage said and he casts firaga on Kuja.

Kuja leaps up in pain, spits the whole roll of sushi out on the table and runs for the water trough outside of the Japanese restaurant.

"Aw, put some damn clothes on, whatever you are"Some guy passing on the street said to the poor Kuja laying in a trough of dirty water.

"I DON'T WANT TO!" Kuja yelled at the top of his lungs.

Suddenly Kuja had the need for a joint, so he runs to Garnet street grabs a 10 sack. After having the best joint of his life, he suddenly has some condoms on him.

"Wow, where did these come from? Well I might a well use them."

So Kuja heads back over to the Japanese restaurant, and says to Lady Kuja "yo bitch lets go to the hotel, so I can smack my daddy up your bumper."

ummm, ok" Lady Kuja said.

Lady Kuja and Kuja walk to the Hub's Hotel and rent out a room. They both enter and lady Kuja whirls around to face Kuja. She gives him a swift kick in the stomach that sends him flying into the hall.

"Hey, what?!?" Kuja yelps"

"You want me? You're going to have to pass my S&M test." Lady Kuja motions him into the room.

"Yes! Violence!" He runs into the room after her.

All night all E-C and Torben the happy random mage can hear in the next room is the crack of a whip and Kuja screaming like a little girly. 

"Oh my god" Torben the happy random mage exclaims

"You know you like it." E-C says back, not looking up.

"Shad up." Torben the happy random mage said as he rolled over and went to sleep.

_Narrator to the characters: "Okay guys, we're getting a little off topic. Let's get away from the S&M and back to finding an audience for Kuja's strip show._

"ooohhh" Lady Kuja replies, with a disappointed look on her face.

The group suddenly finds themselves back in the Japanese restaurant.

"How'd we get back here?" asked Torben the happy random mage, just before disappearing for no apparent reason(he is random after all).

"Hmmm, I don't know, but let's go and find me an audience!" Kuja yelled as he made flyers appear out of nowhere and proceeds to hand them out to people.

"Wait a minute! These flyers for free money and weed, come to the Kuja's S club A.S.A.P. We don't have any weed or money to give away!" E-C said.

"Who cares? Everybody will be so into my beautiful bod that they won't even care that there's no weed," said Kuja.

They gave away their flyers and went back to the bar. Kuja slathered even more Vaseline on his chest and began to practice his pole dancing. Torben the happy random mage randomly shows up in the bathroom, stocking the condoms again.

A huge group of people come in and Lady Kuja cues the music. Kuja starts his poll dance.

"What the hell is this?" One guy shouted.

"Let's get outta here." Another guy replied.

They all leave.

  
The End. 

PS, Torben the happy random mage was doomed to stock the condom machine for eternity and Lady Kuja and Kuja got happy again.


End file.
